F@%ked Up Cartoons: Tales From The Cryptkeeper

What was happening in the 90’s?  Were they just making cartoons out of anything?  For those that don’t know, “Tales from the Crypt” was a show on HBO, that was based off a horror comic book series from the 50’s.  It was a violent and full of sex.  It ran for seven seasons and was something young Steven loved.  I was a morbid little kid and loved horror.  The intro and slime will forever be implanted in my frontal lobe.

The “Tales From The Cryptkeeper” was a Saturday morning cartoon aimed at, you guessed it, THE CHILDREN.  It followed a similar format (without the sex, and the violence and all the other stuff that made the show amazing), where the Cryptkeeper would tell a story to the audience, usually with a moral at the end.  The cartoon ran for three seasons, but interestingly enough the third season was released years after the second, and changed animation styles.


The first episode actually revolves around the Cryptkeepers (CK) mansion.  Two brothers want money to buy a siiiiick BMX bike, but their dad is running a failing travel agency.  They go to say hi to their dad and over hear him talking to a T. Charles Keeper, who wants a flight to Transylvania.  The older brother is a real piece of shit and plans on robbing Mr. Keeper while hes out of town.


They get to  the mansion, break in, and start touching everything.  Looking for money, or something worth money.  CK has this place heavily booby trapped so everything is either trying to kill the kids, or turning them around.  They seem to have think they’ve found a treasure map, you know, the kind that has an X in bones.  The episode has some pretty good scares as they go through the mansion.  The find CKs “dog” (the damned wolf man named Fifi), the oldest one acting like his arm is being eaten, and them landing on Frankenstein’s monster (who they resurrect).


Eventually the kids are stuck between Fifi and the monster, seemingly dead, until they decide to “slide and slip (TAKE THAT WHAMO) and slide under the monsters legs and through a broken chunk of wall.  They barricade themselves in a room and try lifting a box to block the door.  ONLY IT ISN’T A BOX, it’s a vampires coffin.  In fact the room is FULL of coffins.  The two brothers are very unlikable and you almost hope they get murdered.  Eventually the kids find the treasure, which is a Tales From the Crypt comic booking featuring the two brothers in a room full of zombies, which is NOW A REALITY.  The escape just as CK is coming up.  WHAT A WARM WELCOME.  Crime doesn’t pay kids.


There was also a line of toys for Tales From The Cryptkeeper, but oddly enough I couldn’t find a commercial for them.  Instead I found an even weirder commercial for the Ace toys Talkin’ Crypt Keeper.  Why were adults trying to shove CK down the throat of kids? It make zero sense.  The toyline consisted of Werewolf, Vampire, Mummy, Zombie, Gargoyle, Frankenstein (s monster) and two different CK (one in a tux and one in his robes).  The second season of the show actually introduced two antagonists from CKs past, The Vault Keeper and the Old Witch, both actually had their own series of comics running con-current with Tales From The Crypt back in the 50’s.


I wouldn’t say this cartoon holds up.  The voice acting is horrible, aside from  John Kassir, who is original voice of the Crypt Keeper.  While your urge might be to dive deeper into this historic cartoon, I wouldn’t and would rather you go back and watch the HBO series for your thrills.


Join us next week as I trip down memory lane again and cover another fucked up cartoon from the 90s!  If you have any ideas for cartoons you’d like me to cover you can leave a comment below, hit us up on facebook or IG, or even email me!

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